Strange as it may sound, “Success” is one of the most misunderstood subjects today. That is why so many people desperately want to achieve “success”, but so many do not achieve it.

That is why we need to understand what actually is “success”. We can start by identifying some very common misunderstandings about success. This is important because if your concept of success is wrong, it becomes much more difficult to achieve success !

In the previous sessions, we have identified 5 misunderstandings about success. They are :

MISUNDERSTANDING 1
Many people are not successful because of their background, such as their education, their family background, their childhood, etc

MISUNDERSTANDING 2
Successful people do not make mistakes.

MISUNDERSTANDING 3
To succeed, we have to work more than 60 (70,80,90…) hours a week

MISUNDERSTANDING 4
If you always ask for help, you will not be successful

MISUNDERSTANDING 5
You need luck to be successful

MISUNDERSTANDING 6
You will only succeed if you play within the rules

In this session, we shall explore misunderstanding number 7

MISUNDERSTANDING 7
You are successful when everybody likes you

If we aim to achieve this, we will NEVER be successful. Successful people are often not the most popular people in the world. They do not achieve their success by being NICE…. They achieve their success by being RIGHT.


In this session, we shall explore and clarify several misunderstandings about being “liked” by people.

There is a difference between :

• Being nice and popular (being liked)
• Being right
• Being respected
• Being harsh
• Being firm

Being Nice (and popular) vs Being Right

There is a world of difference between being Nice (popular) and being Right.

A Right decision is a decision that :

• Will bring us nearer to our goal
• Is for the long term good of the organization / team
• Is for the good of the majority
• Is according to the law and adheres to correct principles and values

A right decision is sometimes popular with the masses, but often not popular because it often requires short-term sacrifices. Right decisions are often like “jamu”. It doesn’t taste good, but it’s good for us in the long term. Most people do not enjoy the short term sacrifices for the long term benefit. This is why right decisions are often not popular.

Popular decisions, on the other hand, are nice. People like such decisions because often, it requires no sacrifice and no hardship. Often it is even pleasant. However, popular decisions that are not right, are often nice in the short term, but bad over the long term. The result is that the decision maker is popular in the short term, but over the long term, when people don not see the benefits, they become impatient with the decision maker and he quickly becomes unpopular. So you see, trying to be popular by giving nice but not right decisions often only make the decision maker popular over the short term.

So there are several different types of decisions :

1. Right decisions that are unpopular
2. Right decisions that are popular
3. Not right decision that are popular
4. Not right decisions that are unpopular

Obviously, the most ideal is (2) Right decisions that are popular. However, between (1) and (3), we weaker person will choose (3). A stronger person will choose (1). What about you ?

Successful people become successful over the long term because they consistently and consciously choose decision (1) over decision (3). They become successful, but they may not become popular with everybody. People who understand the reasons and principles behind his unpopular decision like and respect him. But people who don’t, tend to dislike him.

Just remember one thing :

“Popular” is a trend. What is popular today becomes out of date and unpopular tomorrow. This applies to fashion, this also applies to people.

However, “Right” will always be right. Basic principles and values never change.

So if you go by what is popular, that’s short term. If you go by what is right, you will always be right and in the long term, history will prove you to be right… and that’s permanent.


Successful people don’t strive to be popular. They strive to be right. That’s why they are able to sustain their success for a longer period, and they are respected by their courage in making difficult (and unpopular) but right decisions.


Being Harsh vs Being Firm

There is a very important difference between being harsh, unreasonable and bullying, compared to being firm.

Being unreasonable means scolding and punishing people unproportional to their mistakes. Here are some examples of being harsh, unreasonable and bullying.

• You have not told your sub-ordinates what you expect from them, what can be done and what cannot be done. Therefore, they are still not clear about your expectations. They do something that you do not like (they don’t even realize that what they do is wrong because you never told them). You get very angry and give them a punishment that is not even proportional to their wrong doing ! That’s being harsh and unreasonable.
• You are too harsh with people below you. You dare to do that because you know that they are not in a position to retaliate. That’s being harsh and bullying.

On the other hand, being firm means that you do what has to be done. If somebody does wrong (and you have told him very clearly your expectations and he has clearly understood you), you reprimand him for his wrong doing. You give the punishment that he knew would be the consequence of his wrong-doing. You do what you have to do. That is being firm.

On the contrary, if someone deserves to be reprimanded and punished and you do not do it, that is not being nice; that is being weak.

So there is a clear difference between being harsh, being firm and being weak.

Successful people clearly know the difference. That is why they are successful.


In conclusion


Correct or misunderstanding ? Successful people clearly know the difference. That is why they are successful.